What is Spoon Theory, and how can it help you understand Mental Health?

Every day, every person has a limited amount of mental, emotional and physical energy they can use to do what they need and want to do before starting to feel overdrawn. Although this is true for everyone, some conditions, such as chronic illness and mental health issues, mean that some people have fewer resources available daily. 

Spoon Theory is an analogy used among chronic illness and mental health communities to help to explain why things can feel difficult or even impossible. It can be used as a communication and educational tool to increase understanding and simplify the dialogue between family, friends, carers and the people they love with chronic or mental illness struggles.

What is Spoon Theory?

Spoon Theory is a metaphor for the energy levels of people with chronic illnesses, invisible disabilities and mental health issues. This theory was created in 2003 by Christine Miserandino, a blogger with lupus who wanted to explain her limitations to a friend.

The basic idea behind Spoon Theory is that each person’s day is represented by their “spoons” – a limited number per day used for physical, mental or emotional tasks. These tasks range from getting dressed in the morning to going to work, dealing with stressors and making decisions. As someone goes through their day, they use these spoons until they eventually run out. “Running out of spoons” indicates a state of low energy, beyond which further tasks are extremely difficult or impossible. 

Some tasks, such as getting dressed, brushing teeth, taking medication, etc., may require only one spoon. Cleaning or cooking a meal may take two, while going to work or calling a relative may take four or more spoons. Each task is taxing, although some more than others, as indicated by the increased spoon cost. These “spoon costs” are entirely individual and variable depending on each person’s condition, circumstances and personality.

If you didn’t sleep well last night, forgot to take your medication, or had a very demanding day yesterday, you may wake up with fewer spoons. Some days you may wake up with very few spoons for no reason.

You can recover spoons through restorative activities. What these activities are and how many spoons can be recovered is unique for each individual and can change daily. For some people, a long warm shower may retrieve a spoon, but for others, it may cost a spoon to bathe. Each of these situations may be true for one individual on different days! A nap during the day may restore energy for some people and make others groggy and tired, lowering their spoon count. Spoon Theory is not a fixed one size fits all system but a framework for communication and understanding individual limitations.

Benefits of The Spoons

Self-understanding and compassion

When plagued with a chronic illness or mental health issues, it is common to become pessimistic, negative, and hard on yourself about the changes happening to your body, mind and lifestyle. We’ve all had days when we’ve beaten ourselves up over not being able to go for that run, finish that paper, run that errand, or otherwise fail to meet our expectations of the day. Spoon Theory gives a framework to understand why these things are difficult.

Spoon Theory is not an excuse for procrastination! It is essential to think critically about your actions and identify if you are putting something off because you don’t want to do it or don’t have the capacity to do it right now. If it is procrastination, try some tips for getting motivated. If it is a lack of spoons, recognise this and readjust your expectations. Running yourself out of spoons entirely on something that can be postponed is not going to help in the long run. Instead, do what you can within your spoon budget for the day and plan to continue when you next have a spoon for it.

Using spoons as a regular part of your self-talk can be extremely useful; good for confidence, increasing understanding of your limitations and building self-love and self-compassion. This way of thinking also makes it far easier to identify very draining tasks and restorative tasks for future planning.

Communication and understanding others

It can be frustrating when you have a friend who repeatedly cancels on events the day of. Or, maybe you are this friend! Some people seem elusive and difficult to catch for a coffee, no matter how many times you try to plan one. Some people never pick up the phone when you call. All of these situations can be annoying or make you upset or angry.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that these people are lazy, don’t want to speak to you, or are unreliable. It is possible, however, that they just don’t have a spoon for that activity today. And since you don’t know how many spoons you will have on any given day, this can be very difficult to plan around.

Imagine repeatedly explaining to the people in your life that you don’t hate them; you are just in too much pain, too tired, or too emotionally drained to do what you had planned. This conversation itself would cost you spoons on a day when you are already short of them! Here is where the Spoon Theory comes into its own. Instead of a lengthy explanation, you can state, “I am out of spoons today”. For those who understand the theory, this makes it clear that no malice is intended; you just can’t today.

On the flip side, when you hear this from a friend or loved one, you know it isn’t something you said or did. They want to honour your arrangement, but doing so would be too much for them now. You know not to push them for conversations or explanations today but to give them space and reschedule another time.

If someone continually does this to you, it can still be frustrating. But at least now there can be some understanding of why it’s happening, and it is far easier to react with compassion. Try arranging a less taxing activity; perhaps instead of going out for dinner, plan to have them over to your place for a coffee chat, for example. If someone always has no spoons, maybe you can offer some support. It can indicate that this is a rough time for them.

Beginning to Use Spoon Theory

There are a few concrete steps you can take to begin using Spoon Theory in your own life. Like any shift in thinking, it can take time. Use the strategies below to take advantage of the benefits of Spoon Theory yourself.

Self evaluate

Like any concept, before you can use it or teach it to others, you need to understand Spoon Theory yourself. And, because it is so individual in its application, this means spending some time thinking about how it fits into your own life. Consider the activities that drain you the most – these are your high-spoon tasks. Think about what keeps you going through the day; how can you replenish spoons? It may be a nap, a hot drink, half an hour of quiet time – whatever works for you. Spend a few minutes in the morning evaluating your spoon supply and checking it against your daily plans. By doing this, you will begin to gain a better understanding of your spoon budget and rationing your spoons. You do not have to do this every day; try to think about it when you remember or plan a time during the week to consider these points.

Moderate your self-talk

Try and catch when you are using negative or disparaging self-talk. You can do many things to improve your positive and negative self-talk ratio; using spoons language is just one. Self-talk such as “You’re so lazy; get up and do the thing!” can become “You are almost out of spoons. Can you spare a spoon for this task right now?”. If the answer is no, do an activity that will restore spoons before doing the task or reschedule the task altogether. If the task needs three spoons and you can only spare one, see if you can partially do the task, do one spoon’s worth of work now and reschedule the rest. However you manage your spoons in this scenario, be honest and transparent in your self-talk, and lean positive. For instance, you may say, “I can only use one spoon for this today. It’s important I don’t overdo it and lose spoons tomorrow because I’m so tired!”.

Explain to your loved ones

Using spoons to describe your limitations can be very helpful for your family, friends, carers and colleagues. It gives a picture of how you feel and what you can do without going into detail about it. If you have been using Spoon Theory for yourself for a while and feel it is helpful, try explaining it to a close friend or family member. If you aren’t confident in explaining it just yet, or it would take too much energy to do so, you can direct them here or to another piece of media describing how it works. Begin using spoons language with your closest and most trusted people and see how it feels. If it is helpful for you, widen the sphere of people who know.

Give it time

As with any behaviour or lifestyle change, habits and new techniques aren’t cemented overnight. Start slow; introduce each new level when you are comfortable with what has come before.

Conclusion

Spoon Theory is an effective tool to help individuals understand the effects of chronic illness and mental health. By counting spoons, individuals can gain insight into how their mental health affects their daily life. This theory can give individuals a sense of control in managing their mental health and daily activities. Spoon Theory is also helpful for family and friends who may not live with or understand the challenges of living with a chronic illness or mental health issue.