Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes, including low self-esteem. Originally derived from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” where a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sanity, the term has since broadened to encompass a wide range of manipulative behaviours.

Self gaslighting occurs when individuals impose the same doubt and manipulation upon themselves. It involves dismissing or trivialising one’s own emotions, memories, or experiences, leading to a distorted self-perception and considerable internal conflict. People might tell themselves they overreact, misremember, or even fabricate emotional responses.

Recognising self gaslighting is crucial for personal wellbeing. Continually doubting your feelings or reality can severely impact mental health, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and a profound sense of isolation. By identifying and addressing self gaslighting behaviours, individuals can begin to reclaim their sense of self, enhance their decision-making, and improve their overall mental health.

What is Self Gaslighting?

Self gaslighting is a psychological phenomenon in which individuals doubt their own emotions, memories, or perceptions, often to the point of dismissing them as unimportant or false. Unlike traditional gaslighting, which involves an external perpetrator, self gaslighting originates from within the individual. It’s a form of internalised manipulation that can make a person question the validity of their own experiences without the influence of another party.

Psychological Basis: Why and How One Might Self Gaslight

The roots of self gaslighting often lie in a person’s past experiences. Those who have been victims of manipulation or gaslighting by others might internalise the notion that their feelings are always exaggerated or incorrect. It can also stem from environments where expressions of emotion were discouraged or punished, leading to a deep-seated belief that one’s perceptions are inherently unreliable or wrong.

Psychologically, self gaslighting serves as a defence mechanism. It can be a way to cope with situations where the individual feels powerless or lacks control. By invalidating their emotions or memories, they may feel a temporary sense of order or stability, as confronting these might otherwise evoke discomfort or anxiety. However, this often exacerbates feelings of confusion and emotional turmoil in the long run.

Each of these behaviours undermines the individual’s trust in their internal experiences and can severely impact their mental health and relationships. Identifying and understanding these patterns is the first step towards healing and fostering a healthier, more affirmative relationship with oneself.

Signs and Symptoms of Self Gaslighting

Self gaslighting can manifest in various subtle ways that may often be overlooked. Recognising these signs is crucial for addressing and mitigating their impact on mental health and overall wellbeing.

Minimising Personal Feelings or Experiences:

• Regularly dismissing emotions as irrational or unnecessary.
• Believing that your emotional responses are always overblown or unjustified.
• Convincing yourself that what you feel is not significant or worthy of attention.

Doubting Memory or Perception:

• Frequently questioning the accuracy of your recollections.
• Feeling uncertain about details of past events that others recall clearly.
• Assuming that your initial impressions or instincts must be wrong.

Over-Rationalising Situations Contrary to Your Emotional Reality:

• Making excuses for others’ harmful behaviour while invalidating your emotional responses to it.
• Analysing situations in a way that consistently negates your genuine feelings.
• Using logic excessively to deny or ignore emotional truths.

Fear of Expressing Opinions or Emotions:

• Hesitancy to share thoughts or feelings due to fear of being wrong or dismissed.
• Suppressing emotions to avoid internal conflict or self-doubt.
• Feeling safer keeping things to yourself rather than risking self-recrimination.

Reluctance to Trust Personal Judgments:

• Over-reliance on others for validation or decision-making.
• Feeling incapable of making sound decisions without extensive reassurance.
• Persistent belief that others know better about your own needs or feelings.

Impact of These Behaviours on Mental Health and Wellbeing

The effects of self gaslighting on mental health can be profound and debilitating:

• Increased Anxiety and Depression: Continuous self-doubt and emotional suppression can lead to heightened anxiety and episodes of depression, as individuals feel alienated from their feelings and disconnected from their own experiences.
• Lowered Self-Esteem: Regularly undermining your perceptions and needs can significantly diminish self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
• Relationship Struggles: Difficulty trusting your feelings can translate into challenges in personal relationships, where open communication and emotional honesty are vital.
• Decision-Making Paralysis: A lack of trust in your judgment can result in indecision and an inability to take assertive action, potentially stalling personal and professional growth.

By identifying and acknowledging these signs, individuals can begin to take steps towards recovering their sense of self-trust and enhancing their mental and emotional wellbeing. This healing process is essential for developing healthier self-dialogue and rebuilding confidence in one’s perceptions and feelings.

Causes and Triggers

Self gaslighting does not occur in isolation but is often triggered by a combination of psychological and environmental factors. Understanding these can help individuals recognise and address the root causes of their self gaslighting behaviours.

Previous Experiences of Being Gaslighted by Others

Individuals who have previously been gaslighted by someone else – whether in personal relationships, work, or family settings – might internalise the manipulator’s messages. This often involves questioning their perceptions and memories as they were repeatedly told they were incorrect or delusional. Over time, this external doubt can become a self-inflicted habit, leading to self gaslighting.

Cultural or Familial Expectations and Norms

Cultural backgrounds and family dynamics play a significant role in shaping one’s self-perception and behaviour. In cultures or families where emotional expression is discouraged or strongly emphasises conforming to specific norms, individuals might learn to doubt their feelings and suppress their emotional responses routinely. This conditioning can lead to a tendency to self gaslight to fit in or avoid conflict.

High-Stress Environments and Perfectionism

High-stress environments such as demanding workplaces or competitive academic settings can also trigger self gaslighting. Individuals in these environments often face immense pressure to perform and meet high expectations, leading to self-critical thoughts and the minimisation of stress and feelings to keep pushing through challenges.

Perfectionism is particularly linked with self gaslighting because perfectionists may set unrealistically high standards for themselves and others. When these standards are not met, they might invalidate their efforts and feelings, dismissing any stress or dissatisfaction as a personal failure rather than acknowledging it as a normal reaction to high demands.

Impact of These Triggers

The impact of these triggers often leads to a cycle of self-doubt and self-criticism, reinforcing the self gaslighting behaviours. When individuals understand the sources of their self gaslighting, they can begin to develop more effective coping mechanisms that affirm rather than diminish their experiences. This might include setting healthier boundaries, seeking therapeutic support, and actively working on self-affirmation techniques to build a more supportive and validating internal dialogue. Recognising and addressing these triggers is a crucial step towards breaking the cycle of self gaslighting and fostering a stronger, more resilient sense of self.

Overcoming Self Gaslighting

Successfully overcoming self gaslighting involves identifying the harmful patterns and actively working on challenging and changing them. This section outlines practical strategies and techniques to assist individuals in this process.

Strategies for Recognising and Challenging Self Gaslighting Behaviours

• Keep a Feelings Journal: Document feelings and reactions to different events. Journaling can help identify patterns of self-doubt or minimisation of feelings, providing concrete evidence of one’s genuine reactions and experiences.
• Reality-Testing: When doubting perceptions or memories, consult trustworthy individuals. Getting a third-party perspective can help confirm or correct recollections, reinforcing memory accuracy.
• Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Actively recognise and counter self-deprecating or doubting thoughts and negative self-talk. For instance, replace thoughts like “I’m just being silly” with “My feelings are valid and deserve attention.”
• Set Boundaries: Learn to set and maintain boundaries with others. This reduces the chance of adopting external doubts about perceptions and feelings.

Self-Awareness Exercises

• Reflection: Regularly set aside time to reflect on decisions and feelings about recent events. This process can enhance understanding of emotional responses and reduce the reflex to dismiss them.
• Identify Triggers: Recognise situations that often lead to self gaslighting. Awareness of these triggers can preemptively prepare one to handle them more healthily.

Mindfulness and Meditation Techniques

• Mindfulness Meditation: Practice mindfulness meditation to enhance present-moment awareness. This can help cultivate a greater connection to immediate experiences and feelings.
• Grounding Techniques: Use sensory grounding techniques (e.g., naming items one can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste) to help stay focused on the present and reduce the impulse to escape or invalidate experiences.

How to Seek Support: Therapy and Counselling Options

• Professional Therapy: Engaging with a psychologist or therapist can be invaluable. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are particularly effective in addressing patterns of self-doubt and negative self-talk.
• Support Groups: Join support groups where you can share your experiences of self gaslighting in a safe, supportive environment. This not only provides validation but also helps you learn from others’ coping strategies.
• Online Counselling: For those who might find in-person therapy challenging, online platforms provide accessible alternatives that can offer guidance and support from professionals through digital means.

By employing these strategies, individuals can begin dismantling the ingrained habits of self gaslighting, leading to a healthier, more grounded sense of self. It’s about rebuilding trust in one’s perceptions and emotions, essential for overall wellbeing and personal growth.

Conclusion

Self gaslighting can significantly impact mental health, leading to increased anxiety, diminished self-esteem, and strained relationships. Recognising the signs of self gaslighting is the first crucial step towards change. If you recognise these patterns in yourself, understand that taking positive steps or seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.