Understanding gaslighting has become critical in today’s complex social landscape. While it may seem like a buzzword, the reality is that gaslighting is a surprisingly common form of psychological manipulation that can have severe consequences on emotional and mental wellbeing. Misinformation, doubt, and confusion are tools wielded to disorient the victim, making it crucial to recognise this manipulative behaviour and understand how to navigate it effectively.

This article explains how gaslighting affects mental, emotional, and physical health. It also provides actionable guidelines to help identify and deal with gaslighting, aiming to empower individuals to protect themselves and maintain a healthy state of mind. 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make someone doubt their perceptions and decisions. It typically involves subtle actions and statements that disorient the victim, such as denying facts or distorting reality. Over time, these tactics can undermine the individual’s self-confidence, causing emotional and psychological strain.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person seeks to sow doubt in another individual, making them question their memory, perception, or judgment. 

The term originates from the 1938 play “Gas Light,” later adapted into films, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sanity by subtly altering elements in her environment and then denying that any changes have occurred.

The impact of gaslighting on personal wellbeing can be significant. Psychologically, it can erode self-esteem and self-worth, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and distress. Emotionally, constantly questioning one’s perception can result in emotional exhaustion, ultimately impacting overall happiness and life satisfaction. Some people may also experience stress-related physical symptoms, such as headaches or digestive issues, due to enduring ongoing gaslighting.

Standard arenas where gaslighting may occur include romantic relationships, family dynamics, and workplaces. In these settings, the gaslighter uses tactics like lying, denial, and misdirection to disorient their victim. Over time, the victim may start to rely on the gaslighter for their version of reality, leading to a toxic dependency that further impacts their mental and emotional wellbeing. Identifying gaslighting can be challenging, especially when it’s happening to you. Common signs include feeling confused or crazy, constantly second-guessing yourself, and finding decision-making difficult. Moreover, you might question the validity of your feelings and become increasingly unsure about recalling specific events or conversations.

Understanding what gaslighting is and how it operates can equip you with the knowledge you need to protect your wellbeing. Awareness of its signs and symptoms will enable you to safeguard your mental, emotional, and physical health proactively.

How Does Gaslighting Affect Wellbeing?

Psychological Effects

Gaslighting has a pronounced impact on psychological wellbeing, particularly in areas like self-esteem and self-worth. The manipulation is designed to make you question your thoughts, feelings, and sanity, which can undermine your self-confidence over time. As you grapple with constant confusion and doubt, it’s not uncommon to experience psychological distress. The prolonged mental and emotional strain can even escalate into anxiety disorders, depression, or other mental health issues.

Emotional Toll

The emotional repercussions of enduring gaslighting are not to be underestimated. Constantly second-guessing your memories, feelings, and decisions can be emotionally draining. Over time, this exhausting cycle can lead to emotional burnout and make you more susceptible to withdrawing from social activities or relationships as a form of self-preservation. The burden of always being on guard can significantly impact your emotional wellbeing, leading to a diminished sense of happiness and life satisfaction.

Physical Health

While the primary effects of gaslighting are psychological and emotional, there can also be physical repercussions. Stress-induced symptoms, like headaches, digestive issues, or insomnia, can manifest as your body’s way of coping with the ongoing emotional turmoil. Although these symptoms might appear unrelated, they can be direct consequences of the stress and anxiety that come with being gaslighted.

By understanding the full spectrum of gaslighting’s impact on wellbeing, from psychological to emotional to physical, you can better equip yourself to identify and address this manipulative behaviour. Taking steps to protect yourself and your wellbeing is not just an act of self-preservation but a necessity.

Identifying Gaslighting

Awareness of the signs and strategies employed in gaslighting is the first crucial step toward protecting yourself and your wellbeing. This section outlines how to identify gaslighting by looking at its signs and symptoms, the language often used by gaslighters, and clarifying what gaslighting is not.

Signs and Symptoms

If you’re consistently questioning your memories, beliefs, or feelings, you may be experiencing gaslighting. Common signs include:

Constant Self-Doubt: One of the most telltale signs of gaslighting is an ongoing sense of self-doubt. You may find yourself questioning your judgment, your actions, and even your worth. This doubt often permeates different aspects of your life, from work to relationships, making you second-guess decisions that you’d typically make with confidence.

Feeling as Though You’re “Going Crazy”: This feeling isn’t about losing your grip on sanity but more about the increasing inability to trust your perceptions. You may feel disoriented, unable to distinguish between what’s real and what’s been manipulated by the gaslighter. This emotional turmoil can feel akin to “going crazy,” as it severely undermines your sense of reality.

Difficulty in Making Decisions: Due to constant questioning of your judgment, making even simple decisions can become daunting. You may find it hard to trust yourself to make the right choice, and this lack of confidence can paralyse your decision-making abilities.

Second Guessing Your Recollections of Events or Conversations: A common tactic in gaslighting is challenging your memory of events. This strategy leads to you second-guessing yourself, even when you’re sure of what you experienced. Over time, your trust in your memory may erode, leaving you reliant on the gaslighter’s version of events.

Feeling Confused or Disoriented Regularly: The consistent and calculated tactics employed by the gaslighter can lead to frequent feelings of confusion or disorientation. You may find it hard to focus or experience a clouded sense of judgment, making it difficult to see situations clearly.

Common Phrases Used

Gaslighters often use specific expressions to deepen your self-doubt and confusion. These might include:

“You’re too sensitive.”: This phrase aims to invalidate your feelings or reactions to a situation. By labelling you as “too sensitive,” the gaslighter shifts the focus from their unacceptable behaviour to your emotional response, making it appear that the problem lies with you, not them.

“You’re overreacting.”: Similar to calling you sensitive, the accusation of “overreacting” aims to discredit your emotional experience. This phrase suggests that your response is disproportionate, and it serves to trivialise your concerns or feelings.

“You’re imagining things.”: This statement is designed to create doubt around your perception of reality. By suggesting that you’re fabricating events or emotions, the gaslighter manipulates you into questioning your memory and interpretation of events.

“I never said that.”: Denying previous statements is a common tactic used to create confusion. Even if you remember the conversation clearly, this outright denial makes you question your memory, destabilising your sense of reality.

“You’re making this up.”: This phrase serves a dual purpose: to deny your claim’s validity and suggest that you’re being dishonest. Accusing you of “making things up” not only sows doubt but also portrays you as untrustworthy, which can further isolate you and make you more vulnerable to ongoing manipulation.

Being familiar with these common phrases can provide you with the insight needed to identify gaslighting as it happens. If you notice these phrases being used regularly and are experiencing the signs and symptoms of gaslighting, taking steps to protect your wellbeing is crucial.

What Gaslighting is Not

It’s essential to differentiate gaslighting from other forms of conflict or misunderstanding. While gaslighting is a deliberate act of manipulation, not every disagreement or argument falls under this category. Similarly, poor communication or misunderstandings should not be automatically labelled as gaslighting. Distinguishing between genuine mistakes and intentional manipulation is crucial for accurately identifying gaslighting and taking appropriate action.

By recognising the signs, understanding the language used, and making accurate identifications, you’re better equipped to protect your wellbeing against the insidious effects of gaslighting.

How to Deal With Gaslighting

Once you’ve identified that you’re experiencing gaslighting, the next logical step is to find ways to cope with it effectively while safeguarding your wellbeing. Here’s a guide to dealing with gaslighting through various means:

Setting Boundaries

Setting firm boundaries is a crucial form of self-care. Establishing emotional and psychological boundaries is vital for maintaining your wellbeing when faced with gaslighting.

Emotional Boundaries: Emotional boundaries specify the emotional labour you will undertake in your relationship with the gaslighter. This could mean declaring certain subjects off-limits or setting rules for how emotional discussions should take place. For example, you may disengage from accusatory, derisive conversations designed to make you question your reality.

Psychological Boundaries: Psychological boundaries refer to the mental space you need to think, reflect, and form your opinions. When setting these boundaries, be specific about what constitutes an infringement. For example, consistently overriding your decisions or disparaging your judgments would be considered a violation of your psychological boundaries.

Being Clear and Consistent: Explicitly stating what is unacceptable can help reduce ambiguity and leave less room for manipulation. Be as specific as possible, and be prepared to communicate these boundaries repeatedly. Consistency is also crucial; once these boundaries are set, stick to them. Inconsistent enforcement can send mixed signals and may encourage the gaslighter to continue their manipulative behaviour.

The Mental Barrier: Setting boundaries creates a mental ‘safe zone’ that the gaslighter can’t easily penetrate. This barrier can act as a buffer against manipulation, allowing you the space to think more clearly and make decisions based on your understanding of events rather than the distorted version presented by the gaslighter.

The Challenge: It’s important to note that setting boundaries with a gaslighter can be a challenging process. They may react with further manipulation or escalate their behaviour when they feel their control is threatened. This is why support from trusted individuals or professionals is often crucial when establishing and maintaining these boundaries.

Setting boundaries is a proactive step to protect your emotional and psychological wellbeing. It involves clear communication, consistent enforcement, and the support of trusted allies. By doing so, you’re reclaiming your agency, reducing the gaslighter’s influence over you, and fortifying your mental and emotional resilience.

Strategies for Coping

Managing the emotional and psychological challenges of experiencing gaslighting requires a multi-faceted approach.

Grounding Techniques

When subjected to gaslighting, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or disoriented. Grounding techniques anchor you back to the present moment and away from the manipulative narrative being spun around you.

• Deep Breathing: Controlled, deep breathing exercises can help you focus your mind and lower stress levels. Concentrating on your breath can be a calming influence, helping to steady your thoughts.
• Physical Sensations: Another grounding method is to focus on bodily sensations, like the texture of an object you’re holding or the sensation of your feet on the ground. This sensory focus can distract your attention from emotional or cognitive disarray, stabilising your mental state.

Reality-Checking Methods

A persistent issue in gaslighting is the erosion of your sense of reality. Reality-checking methods are tools you can use to combat this effect.

• Keep a Journal: Documenting incidents can be a powerful validation form. You can refer to your journal entries to confirm your recollection of events or conversations when in doubt. It’s a tactile way of assuring yourself that you’re not “making things up.”
• Confide in Trusted Individuals: Sharing your experiences with someone you trust can also serve as a reality check. Simply verbalising what you’ve gone through often highlights the absurdity or wrongness of the gaslighter’s actions.

Self-Affirmations

Negative self-perceptions can easily take root when you’re experiencing gaslighting. Self-affirmations serve as antidotes to these damaging thoughts.

• Formulate Statements: Identify factual, positive attributes or affirmations about yourself. These statements should ground you in your self-worth and counteract the gaslighter’s narrative.
• Regular Practice: Consistency is vital. Make it a practice to repeat these affirmations, either mentally or out loud, regularly. Over time, this can help shore up your sense of self, making you less susceptible to the gaslighter’s tactics.

These coping strategies offer different avenues for mitigating the emotional and psychological toll of gaslighting. Grounding techniques offer immediate relief, reality-checking methods provide longer-term validation, and self-affirmations help rebuild eroded self-esteem. By combining these strategies, you’re actively protecting your wellbeing.

Seek Support

Seeking a robust support network is imperative for anyone facing gaslighting and manipulation. Whether it’s friends, family members, or mental health professionals, talking openly about your experiences can be a transformative step in dealing with gaslighting effectively.

When you open up to trusted individuals about what you’re going through, several beneficial things happen. First, you gain different perspectives on your situation, which can be incredibly enlightening. Sometimes, the gaslighter is so effective that it’s difficult to see the manipulation for what it is. A fresh pair of eyes can often see things more objectively, and that outside perspective can validate your feelings, confirming that you’re not imagining things or overreacting.

Secondly, the act of sharing itself can be emotionally liberating. Keeping your experiences bottled up can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation. Talking can be an emotional release, lifting some of the weight off your shoulders and breaking the cycle of self-doubt and confusion that gaslighting perpetuates.

However, there are instances when the emotional and psychological effects of gaslighting are so severe that professional intervention becomes necessary. Therapists or counsellors can provide targeted coping strategies tailored to your specific needs. They can also help you maintain emotional detachment from the gaslighter, offering tools to help you distance yourself mentally and, if necessary, physically.

Furthermore, mental health professionals can provide a confidential and judgment-free space to explore your experiences. This can be crucial for those who fear social stigma or further manipulation from their immediate social circle. Contact your local services or an online service like BetterHelp for confidential support.

In summary, seeking support is essential in overcoming the impact of gaslighting. It offers emotional relief and valuable insights into your experiences, equipping you with the necessary tools to protect your wellbeing. Whether the support comes from your personal circle or professional avenues, it is essential to not “go it alone”.

Legal Remedies

While emotional and psychological strategies are crucial, there may be instances where legal action is appropriate. Laws surrounding emotional abuse vary by jurisdiction, but if gaslighting is causing significant emotional harm or is part of a broader pattern of abuse, legal remedies like restraining orders or other protective measures might be worth considering.

By incorporating these strategies and resources into your life, you’re taking critical steps to protect your wellbeing from the insidious effects of gaslighting. It’s about reclaiming your reality, voice, and, most importantly, your sense of self.

Conclusion

Recognising gaslighting is essential for safeguarding your emotional and psychological wellbeing. This form of manipulation can be subtle yet highly damaging, making it vital to be vigilant and proactive. From setting firm boundaries to developing coping strategies and seeking support, taking active steps can make a significant difference in wellbeing.

Ignoring or downplaying the signs of gaslighting can lead to a detrimental cycle that becomes increasingly difficult to break. Therefore, you must arm yourself with practical tools and strategies for your protection and foster an environment where manipulative behaviours are less likely to thrive. Take action, be vigilant, and prioritise your wellbeing.